THE PITFALLS OF DATING A MARRIED WOMAN
Dear Doc,
I am currently in a relationship with a married woman. I have known her for
eight years but we have just become romantically involved in the last four and
a half months. I have known she was not happy with her marriage for years and
wanted to end it, but she has not due to a variety of reasons. I'm certain that
she does not love her husband, but she has not left him yet. (I've met him
before, and I cannot understand why she's with him at all.)
The most common reason she gives for not leaving him is that she fears how
her children (she has three, ages two, ten and twelve) will view her. She threw
her husband out recently, but the two oldest children were so upset that after
a few days that she let him come back for the kids' sake. She says that her
kids mean everything to her.
This woman says she loves me without question and she will leave her husband
when the time is right. My questions are: 1. Do you think she's telling me the
truth about why she will not leave him? 2. How do I tell if she is sincere in
her desire to leave him for me? 3.What are signs I should look for to tell me
she will really leave him? 4. Do women who leave their husbands for another man
usually stay with the other man?
I love this woman tremendously but I don't know what to look for.
Help, please!
Jerome -
who is hoping and waiting
Hey Jerome,
What kind of drugs have you been smoking? Or, do you live near a glue
factory? Your thinking is about as clear as a teenage boy's complexion.
First of all, realize that you've allowed yourself to fall in love with a
woman who has no integrity. A woman who cheats on her husband is a woman whom
no man can ever fully trust. If this broad had ANY class, she'd either keep her
marriage vows, despite the problems, OR she'd wait until she got divorced (or
at least legally separated) before she hooked up with another guy. If her kids
were as important to her as she claims, she'd be a positive role model instead
of one of deceit and manipulation.
The Bottom Line Factor says that If your 'girlfriend' REALLY wanted to leave
her husband, she would have done so a long time ago. Think of it this way,
Jerome, addictions aside, she IS physically capable of leaving him. All she
lacks is: motivation. I'm certain that if she were offered ten million dollars
to leave her husband and never see him again, she'd be gone faster than Robert
Blake can spit out an alibi! Sadly, as time ticks on, she'll continue to come
up with various creative excuses for why she can't leave her husband, and
nothing will ever change.
You have to remember something else, Jerome, whether you're evaluating a
potential lifetime partner or you're ordering bacon and eggs at Denny's; what
you see is what you get. This woman is who she is. She plays both sides of the
fence. She's self-centered. She's incredibly needy. She's addicted to drama.
These are character traits that she possesses. Is she really the kind of person
you would want to commit to, even if she were single?
I'm hoping that as you're reading what I'm saying, your Interest Level in
this gal is starting to crack and drop, at least just a little bit. You need to
do whatever it takes to lower your Interest Level in her because this situation
is a setup for nothing but heartbreak and frustration for you.
Perhaps it will help you to understand that both you and her husband are
being 'played' by this dysfunctional Desdemona. Imagine what she tells him
about you to keep him under control, how you and she are "just
friends." She's got both of you duped. She's getting everything she wants,
a husband and a "mister-ess" and you're getting mostly just a whole
lot of pain and confusion.
I know this isn't the answer you were looking for, Jerome, but I have to
call 'em as I see 'em. I recommend that you start to emotionally disconnect
from Mrs. Trouble and start meeting and dating other women as soon as possible.
Even if the idea of meeting other women makes you only lovesick, do it anyway.
It will build character and prepare you for the real thing when it comes along.
Remember, guys, if she'll do it to him, she'll do it to you.
- Doc Love
